One step that would be really helpful in supporting divorced and married women, is if we stop using the phrase, “but he’s a good guy,” when referencing any husband or ex-husband.
Just wanted to say—I’ve been divorced for 5 years now, and honestly, I’m way happier. Definitely in that 90%! Let’s face it a lot of men really aren’t as great as they or others think they are, and it took some space and time for me to see that clearly. Thank you Kate for putting your thoughts out there. It’s conversations like these that help more women/people feel heard and seen.
Yes, yes, yes! I can't tell you how many times I've heard say about divorced men: "Well, he's a good guy." I know one man who stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from all his clients. People say, "Well, he must have gotten in over his head. He's a good guy." And I appreciate how you point out how things don't have to be this dramatic, yet a man may NOT be a good husband, father, or all-around guy. I wish I could have my daughter read the second half of this so that she doesn't make the same mistakes I did. Thank you, thank you.
I think it's all part of the patriarchy and the misogyny we absorb. When a man messes up in society, he's "still a good guy," as you say, but if a woman or a mother does a tenth of what he does, she's crucified. Why is there no phrase, "but she's a good woman"?
More than once, I've heard people say, cryptically, "I never really liked her." Or "I never really warmed up to her." Typically this is right after someone says that the husband was a cheater. So in other words, he cheated because she wasn't "nice."
Just wanted to say—I’ve been divorced for 5 years now, and honestly, I’m way happier. Definitely in that 90%! Let’s face it a lot of men really aren’t as great as they or others think they are, and it took some space and time for me to see that clearly. Thank you Kate for putting your thoughts out there. It’s conversations like these that help more women/people feel heard and seen.
Thank you WiBi for sharing!
Yes, yes, yes! I can't tell you how many times I've heard say about divorced men: "Well, he's a good guy." I know one man who stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from all his clients. People say, "Well, he must have gotten in over his head. He's a good guy." And I appreciate how you point out how things don't have to be this dramatic, yet a man may NOT be a good husband, father, or all-around guy. I wish I could have my daughter read the second half of this so that she doesn't make the same mistakes I did. Thank you, thank you.
I think it's all part of the patriarchy and the misogyny we absorb. When a man messes up in society, he's "still a good guy," as you say, but if a woman or a mother does a tenth of what he does, she's crucified. Why is there no phrase, "but she's a good woman"?
More than once, I've heard people say, cryptically, "I never really liked her." Or "I never really warmed up to her." Typically this is right after someone says that the husband was a cheater. So in other words, he cheated because she wasn't "nice."